He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
