hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
