I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
