You made me cry and you don't even care
It's Friday. Sex?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
