that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
