All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So much Jack, so little girl.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
