Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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