what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
