I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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