if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
