You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
