So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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