I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
