shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
