Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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