yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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