Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
