U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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