There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
