I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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