do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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