Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
