I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
