After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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