Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
