hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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