no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wear drunk well.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
