not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
