apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
