I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My vagina just recognized that song.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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