I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The uberlube is also flammable
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
