yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, beer. Big fan.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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