last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
