At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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