I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
