all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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