My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
