I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
