There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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