My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
