Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
