I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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