You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
