omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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