You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
