It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
