Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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