Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
