Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
