I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
