i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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