Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
