You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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